


Heart

by AngelynMoon



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Feelings, Gen, M/M, Sad Ending, implied - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 19:49:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21258692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelynMoon/pseuds/AngelynMoon
Summary: In which Thorin stubbornly refuses to speak his feelings.





	Heart

It's soft, the way he fall. He doesn't mean to, doesn't even notice at first, not until someplace deep in the Misty Mountains and it feels right to discover the feelings there in the depths of a Mountain, even if it is not his own.

Later he thinks that he shouldn't have, doesn't know how he fell in love with the other.

But he does.

He does.

When he notices, realises, he almost wonders why it took so long.

It makes sense, it does.

Loving Bilbo Baggins just feels right and true and Thorin finds himself accepting it and even welcoming it.

Bilbo deserves to be loved even if he doesn't feel the same for Thorin, so, Thorin loves him, even when he is cruel, even when he glares, Thorin doesn't know how to express his feelings.

Thorin has nothing, nothing to offer Bilbo, not even himself for he belongs to his people first and foremost and can make Bilbo no promises for an unsteady future.

Thorin cannot make Bilbo a promise aloud.

In privacy, in silence, Thorin promises, vows to love Bilbo until his death, vows that no other will ever hold his heart, promises to never hurt him.

He breaks that promise and several others.

He threatens his best friend, his battle brother and loses himself to the same madness that took his father and grandfather, the very same one that he swore would never take him.

It does. It crawls inside him, burrows deep and festers, he sees enemies in his faithful companions, his battle brothers, his cousins, his sister-sons, the children he had a hand in raising up, but not him, he never once saw an enemy in Bilbo.

Perhaps that is why it hurts so much when he speaks up.

When he admits to the betrayal and the madness that has taken root, that has festered and rotted his heart consumes him and Thorin orders death.

Later, when his mind is his own again, he can only be thankful to his men for refusing, for trying to halt his actions as best they were able.

He dares not ask for forgiveness, e deserves none but knows they will grant it if he asks.

He stands before them, once more himself, once more crownless and asks, no begs them for one last stand, asks them to trust in him, one last time.

They do.

They follow him.

He does not intend it to be the last time, not as such.

He cannot be their king, cannot trust himself.

Thorin can only hope and pray that when the one who holds his heart returns to his home that Bilbo will allow him to follow, Thorin has no other place to go, no place he dares go.

But it is not to be.

He knows the moment Azog appears that he will not leave this place.

Here Thorin was born and so too will he breath his last.

Thorin will not follow his love across the mountains, he will not see Bilbo's homeland, learn the peacefulness that surrounds the green fields.

Perhaps it is justice that his heart will forever be beyond his reach.

His sister-sons fall and he follows. He slays tbe one that took their breath from them.

And his own.

He stands on the edge of a cliff, sees his homeland.

It is theirs again, belongs to his people once more, they can come home, rebuild.

They can come home.

But it is not Thorin's, not anymore. This land does not belong to him, though he belongs to it, always had.

Thorin falls.

His heart holds his hand in his. Thorin wants to tell him, wants to tell Bilbo that he loves him.

But he dares not.

He recalls Bilbo's words from so long ago, reminds him, tells Bilbo to go back, to go home.

Thorin pretend that he will go with him.

Thorin is selfish, he needs, he needs.

Thorin begs for forgiveness that he does not deserve.

His heart absolves him.

Bilbo is a child of peace and serenity, he grants Thorin forgiveness.

Bilbo cries as Thorin fades away, as his life leaves him.

Thorin was born to war, to death and fire and pain, it is fitting that he die.

It is fitting that the one who holds his heart lives.

Bilbo was born to soft comforts, to growth and kindness and peace.

Bilbo will return there, he will go home beyond the Mountains.

Bilbo will plant his trees, he will watch them grow and Bilbo will live.

That is all Thorin could truly ask for, hope for, that Bilbo live, even if Thorin does not share that life.

Bilbo Baggins will go back to his books, to his armchair, he will plant his little acorn from Beorn's garden, he will watch it grow, and perhaps from time to time Bilbo will think fondly of a dead Dwarven king who died for his homeland, for his people.

Thorin only wishes that he could listen to Bilbo tell that story with fondness from the doorway of a Hobbit hole so far away from the Lonely Mountain.

\---

A/n: welp, another story. I suppose you could pretend that Thorin lives and goes home with Bilbo and does infact listen to Bilbo tell the story of their journey to baby Hobbits.

That those children ask about the Dwarf that Bilbo brought home and Bilbo smiles fondly at Thorin and says that he's his portion of the treasure from the journey. And if Thorin blushes, well, he's never been some one's treasure before.

And maybe Fili and Kili live and come to visit, Tauriel being and source of fascination for the little ones, not because she's an Elf, though that too, but that she is so tall, like a trees that moves and talks and well, Tauriel just melts at the little one that calls her a tree and from then on they just calm her 'Tree' because the younger ones can pronounce her name anyway.

It's funny until she convinces the children that Kili means 'Rock' in the Dwarven language and soon enough there is a story floating around about Rock falling in love with a Tree that Bilbo sends to Erebor where it is widely published, after all there is already one where a Sapphire falls in love with a Flower.


End file.
